I had a crush on this person on and off for a few years. I don’t know if you could even call it that because I barely knew them, so maybe it was just an infatuation. But according to Google, the definition of an infatuation is “An intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.” Basically I don’t know what to call this experience. It’s between a crush and an infatuation and how I parted from it will be revealed in this blog.
For the sake of labelling this person, I’ll refer to them as my “crush.”
This person knew who I was but we were in different friend groups. There were moments when we interacted but not frequently enough for us to become well-acquainted. What my crush didn’t know was that I had a source, someone close to their friend group that would let me know if there was any major drama going on.
Based on solely my interactions with my crush, I would say they were kind, funny, caring, and smart; the basic qualities that would make you interested in someone. My source confirmed these qualities; however, they added some information that convinced me it wasn’t a good idea to pursue this person.
My crush’s love life was complicated.
They were a player, who (maybe unintentionally) also ruined a couple of friendships. They were usually attracted to people younger than them rather than closer to their age. Lastly, it turns out they were emotionally mysterious as in not the type to have deep conversations or share deep thoughts, even with close friends.
I knew all this yet I kept coming back to this person. For some reason it was difficult for me to get over them. I heard all these red flags but maybe because I hadn’t seen them for myself, I was focusing on the fact that my crush was generally polite and well-mannered. However, I wouldn’t want to see those things for myself. I didn’t want to be a part of the drama.
I didn’t want to be another name on a list.
So I tried my best to forget about the feelings I was having and whatever was making me attracted to this person. Whenever my crush on them was coming back, I’d tell myself to envision a future with them and I couldn’t. That is especially with the “bad” things I heard.
Some of you might be thinking, why would I listen to all this information? Aren’t they just rumours and speculation? But what if they were warnings instead? Like I said earlier, I didn’t want to take the risk of experiencing heartbreak just to confirm that the rumours were true.
Yet, I admit, because I still didn’t know my crush properly, I kept coming back to them and entertaining that super small chance of being the special person that changes their life.
That is until I ended up doing a project with said person. For this project we had to talk to each other a lot and even meet up a couple of times. Just to be nice, we would joke around here and there, having casual conversations. As this carried on, my feelings towards my crush surprisingly changed. I guess I was getting to know them better, only on the surface-level but that made me no longer want to be “romantically-involved” with this person.
Sure, we could be friends but at the same time I realized it would be smarter to keep a safe distance and avoid getting too close. As someone who opens up easily once another person returns a good energy, I wanted this person to also open up to me just to be fair. Since they didn’t do that I couldn’t fully trust them.
Thus, what is the current status of me and this person? Definitely not a crush and most likely won’t return to one which I am relieved about. We are simply acquaintances and I’m happy keeping it this way. To those experiencing something of the sorts, remember that “friends” or “lovers” aren’t the only two options.
You can protect yourself by being cautious of your words and actions. Thinking ahead and imagining different scenarios isn’t a bad thing if you don’t want to waste your time and possibly get your feelings hurt. Get to know your crush properly before deciding if they’re worth more of your time, energy, and emotions. Good luck and thank you for taking the time to read this blog.