Is this insecurity? Nope.
At one point in my life, I convinced myself I was insecure and needed to work on being more confident. I was aware of my flaws and thought, if I can’t improve then I should at least accept that this is just who I am. This mentality stuck and never did I once think it could be wrong, until recently.
As people do on the internet, we share our journeys, self-realizations, etc. I parted from a viral tweet that opened my eyes and I instantly thought, “That’s me.”
All this time I was owning up to these qualities that I thought were my weaknesses. Making jokes about them, so people could laugh along and feel comfortable around me. On the surface level, I was doing this because I didn’t want to hide my insecurity and have people find out about it later. But it actually makes more sense that my intentions were to look for the people who deserve to understand me; Develop friendships with people who are willing to comprehend my thought processes.
I wanted to avoid someone who would just say, “Oh, okay.” Instead, someone who reassures me that my traits are good and useful would better fit in my life.
In general, I don’t like the idea of “cutting off friends.” I find it quite harsh, of course it depends on the situation, but usually it’s done abruptly and involves pettiness. However, I’ll admit that sometimes it’s necessary.
Long story short, I had a friend with whom I shared some of my deepest concerns. They were helpful at first, giving advice and sharing moments when they could also relate. After a while, their words started to make me feel worse, not better. I was aware that some work had to be done in terms of self-improvement but it began to seem like this friend was blaming me for the problems I was experiencing. It was best to stop having deep conversations with them for the sake of my mental health.
Are you insecure?
In this section of the blog, I share:
- A definition of an “Insecure Person”
- An article with further details and signs of someone who is insecure in order to help with your self-analysis
- A definition of “Emotional Security”
Insecure Person Definition:
subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured:
Emotional Security Definition:
the feeling of safety, confidence, and freedom from apprehension. In the approach of Karen D. Horney, the need for emotional security is the underlying determinant of personality and behavior; in the approach of Harry Stack Sullivan, it is itself determined primarily by interpersonal relations.
Do you seek emotional security?
“I believe I have a great personality and positive qualities. But in public and with people I don’t fully trust, I tend to revert to someone who doesn’t like to boast. This is in hopes to appear modest rather than arrogant and thus unlikeable.”
If this sounds like you then perhaps a re-evaluation is necessary to determine whether you are an insecure person who needs to stop bad habits and gain self-confidence, or just a person who is selective about who to trust and open up to.
After realizing I’m the latter, I honestly don’t feel bad about who I am and how I act. I used to feel apologetic for being on the shy side, not as open to meeting new people. However, being nice enough yet still particular about who to continue socializing with, is worth it for my happiness.
Put yourself first. You do you. Sometimes we need to be reminded of what these words really mean. Self-care of course includes taking the time to understand yourself and your behaviour, but remember, you can change. For example, the way you react to a situation now may be different from how you reacted before. You may not notice these changes right when they happen, it will take some deep self-reflection. When you realize you’ve changed, make sure to understand yourself again.
Thank you for taking the time to read my writing piece and some words of advice on emotional security. If you relate to anything in this blog I would be interested in reading your thoughts.
Great blog! It was relatable and such an important topic that really needed exploration.
Some of us even make it a personality trait, being sarcastic about our insecurities. Maybe what stops us is actually the fear of discovering who we are without them.