The coworker story I’m going to share is not about an established relationship I parted from, but one that was developing.
When it comes to love, I always fear that it won’t last and show disinterest before a relationship can even form. I was raised to believe that relationships were bad because people would disrespect me in ways that would leave me traumatized. Now, I don’t believe that to be true because I have met nice people in healthy relationships. The only reason I still haven’t dated, well, perhaps is because I have gotten used to being fearful of it.
The Story Between My Coworker And I
I had a coworker that got along with everyone, was fun-loving, and into me. When we first met, I didn’t think twice about him. He wasn’t my type appearance-wise.
Gradually, as we worked together, however, a friendship began to form. Every time our manager would delegate partnered tasks, my coworker would immediately ask to be with me. The thought that he appreciated my presence was a bit flattering. Then again, we were friends so I wanted to be his partner as well for every task.
At the time, I treated him as I did all my coworkers, being playful and making jokes. He laughed the hardest and engaged the most with what I had to say. He showed active listening, and portrayed true interest in all that I did. I wasn’t used to so much attention.
There were times my coworker did favour me and yet, I still didn’t take a hint. That is, not until he started changing himself to fit my ideal man. He’d ask me questions during our shifts like “Do you like shredded guys?” and “Who is your favourite male celebrity?” My answer was yes and a top male model. The next day, I found him dressed up similar to the model and informing me that he had gotten back into the gym.
One time, he jokingly pointed out that another coworker needed a haircut and I responded that he did too. He was taken back from the comment and asked to confirm whether I really believed so. I nodded while shrugging in response. The next time I saw him, low and behold, he had gotten a short haircut. He had hair reaching his shoulders since childhood so this was huge. Everything I said, he’d try to do right away.
At that point, he had me considering my feelings towards him. I wondered why I didn’t reciprocate true interest in him and if appearance really was all that I cared for. He was so nice to me so what was wrong? Soon, I figured that the problem wasn’t his appearance because I could get passed that, but his willingness to change himself entirely to fit someone else’ (or my) standard. I didn’t like that he wasn’t behaving as his own person and being his true self. His true personality would eventually unfold and we wouldn’t last because I would’ve fallen for his fake persona.
Of course, there are many perks to having much control over a person, but I seriously find it immoral to use such control to entertain our thoughts, especially with the intention of never getting into a full-blown, romantic relationship. The other person can be misled and mentally-harmed.
The way I see love, it’s about adoring who people are to their core. Putting on a show would be unnecessary in a relationship where the love is balanced between both individuals. Interests, principles, and values should all be transparent and accepted.
I Was Not Interested In My Coworker
I didn’t lead my coworker on and made it clear that I wasn’t interested after I had clarified my feelings to myself. Every other encounter I had with him afterwards, I chose to keep short if possible with less opportunity to engage with me in effort of helping him move on from his obvious crush. As months passed by, it worked and he moved on.
Maybe this parting story will help you move on from engaging with someone that you know will not lead to a romantic relationship, or enlighten you on how not to behave towards a crush. I don’t know how this story will personally impact you, but I do hope you learn from it. Thank you for reading.